What does Self Compassion look Like?

Whether you’re running late, forgot a deadline, or say the wrong thing, we always have an option of how we respond to our mistakes. Self compassion is choosing not to berate yourself over your humaness, flaws, and mistakes. Practicing self-compassion doesn’t mean that we don’t hold ourselves accountable, but rather, it means that we approach our mistakes from a curious, balanced lens. Self compassion looks like recognizing what happened, taking a deep breath, forgiving yourself, and troubleshooting what you might need to do differently next time. Self-compassion involves responding in the same supportive and understanding way you would with a good friend, child, or animal when you’re having a difficult time.

It’s avoiding rumination over our flaws and mistakes, and choosing not to vilify ourselves. Most of us tend to give more value and attention to the critical voice within us. In order to heal, it is important to recognize that critical voice and instead, practice talking to yourself in a different, more caring way.  Practicing self-compassion is a practice of caring towards yourself, and your experiences. In the end, it can benefit you and it is crucial to work on forming these habits.

The Transformative Effects of Practicing Self Compassion

Research has shown that practicing self compassion has a positive impact on well-being. In fact, “individuals who are more self-compassionate tend to have greater happiness, life satisfaction and motivation, better relationships and physical health, and less anxiety and depression”(Neff and Germer). One core component of self compassion is mindfulness. Mindfulness and self compassion go hand in hand and together, and allows us to live with less resistance towards ourselves. Mindfulness focuses primarily on acceptance of experience itself. Self-compassion focuses more on caring for the experiencer. Some examples of mindfulness and self compassion include:

• “What am I experiencing right now?”

• “What do I need right now?”

• “Where do I feel pain right now?”

Once you are able to be mindful of the pain you are feeling and allow yourself the internal space to be kind to yourself, you will be more likely to be at ease with your pain.

Tips to Practice Self Compassion

Being kind to yourself is one of the best ways you can practice self compassion. Research has proven that the more we practice being kind and compassionate with ourselves, the more we’ll increase the habit of self-compassion in our daily lives. Some tips to help you practice self compassion include:

• Touch: Hand on your heart when you are suffering (imagine sending love, kindness to yourself)

• Self talk: “my dear one, I know this is a tough moment”

• Attention: attend to needs during difficult times. What can I be needing right now? Have I had water, food, rest?

• Reframe: reframe hurtful self-talk “No one likes me” -> reframe “It’s scary to feel that one person is angry with me.” 

• Slow down: literally and figuratively. Notice your emotions, thoughts, body sensations. Shift towards curiosity, not judgment.

• With Art Making or Art Therapy: Make a self compassion art collage. Cut out imagery from magazines or found imagery that represents things you about yourself that you accept, appreciate, or that you want to direct more compassion towards. For example, you may cut and paste images of hands that represent the ability to ask for help, or a candle that represents a moment of peace and self-reflection. 

Davenport Creative Arts Therapy

You can’t always “talk” your way out of anxiety, depression and trauma. Reaching out for support can benefit you greatly. At Davenport Creative Arts Therapy, we offer integrative psychotherapy for children, teens and adults.  It’s our mission to help you reconnect to a sense of purpose, and belonging. To learn more, schedule a free consultation today!